Well I've officially survived the first week without Tyler being around. The Coast Guard has claimed him once again. Thankfully we are still able to talk on the phone while they are only in Baltimore getting the boat ready to be back in the water. Skype has been a true blessing because Tyler is able to still see Toby and Toby (though I am not sure he really fully realizes what's going on) is still able to see his daddy. I have a new found respect for single mothers truly. Realizing that I am on my own for the most part (although Griff is a tremendous help) I have so much more respect for the women, and teens that do this on their own. I am so blessed with the resources that I have, financially and emotionally that I can't imagine doing it one my own. Toby is going to be 4 months here shortly (just two more weeks) and he's growing so much every day it seems. He now sits in his play thing in the kitchen with me while I cook dinner. And he almost no longer fits in the top part of his bathtub, which when he was born he was tiny in it. Now he big ol' legs splash water all over the place and he likes to grab at the red cup that I use to scoop water in and dump on him. The other night he grabbed the empty cup from me and put it up to his mouth like he was drinking from it. It was very cute because this big ol' cup with his tiny little hands, and his precious lips trying to suck on the edge of the cup.
Parenthood truly is like nothing else in this world. My perspective at work has changed, because when I look at Toby I think about all the hopes and dreams and good things that I want for him. I had the realization one day that the students that I work with, their parents probably had the same thoughts about hopes and dreams for their kids that I work with now. It changed the way I look at the students that I work with and the approach that I want to take in my counseling techniques. As my principal Mr. Lockett says "being a parent changes everything" and boy does it ever. But I would not rather find myself on any other ride right now in life. As exhausted as I am, and as hard as it is not being at work a full day, and having to let go of so many responsibilities, and knowing that I am in fact replaceable at what I do... I look at my little Toby, and I realize I have more time with Griff and all the sudden some things don't matter as much as they did before, and it's easier to let go of things I didn't ever think I would be able to let go. Not to mention my house is a disaster, the laundry hasn't been done in days, the living room looks like world war 3 with burp rags, toys, and everything else in the house strewn across the floor and couches. But that's okay because I've got everything I need under this roof. And I have never been happier (now if I could just have my husband back from the Coast Guard sooner, than later, I would be 100% content)!
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