Milestones

Toby rolled over from his front to his back the other day. And it struck me... how quickly these things go. Just a few months ago he was a sleeping eating little creature that was trying to figure out all the small things. To the curious little guy that he is now. When we eat dinner he tries to grab at my plate, my fork, my cup anything he can get his hands on. He wants to grab and feel and see EVERYTHING! He has started this new thing when he's in the bath. He sticks his foot as high up in the air as his little body will let him and waits for me to pour water over his foot. He will leave it in the air until I pour water over it and then he just stares at the water as it covers his foot. He cries when he's tired, he cries when he's hungry, and he cries when he thinks that maybe I forgot about him laying on his mat playing. He's got so many cute things going on right now that when it's 3 in the morning, I haven't slept for longer that 45 minute stretches because he's struggling with the sleep thing and all I want is to crawl into bed, throw the covers over my head, and sleep for about 5 hours (I would kill for 5 straight hours of sleep, this coming from a woman who used to need like 11 hours of sleep a night). Then I remember that soon he'll be asking to go ride his trike around the driveway, or wanting a ice cream bar, and my little boy will grow up to be a man before I know it. I look at Griff and I look at Toby, as I stand next to my husband, and I realize that this... this thing we call family is really the core foundation to life, to everything. That without this solid foundation in our lives, everything else becomes so much more difficult. I only wish that everyone could have a family full of love and support, and commitment to each other that I share in my family. Life is not just about what I want to do on the weekend anymore, it's not about things that a while back seemed so important... now I look at the needs of Griff and the needs of Toby and those matter so much more because I know they depend on me. Just like I depended on my parents.

Life with out the Hubby

Well I've officially survived the first week without Tyler being around. The Coast Guard has claimed him once again. Thankfully we are still able to talk on the phone while they are only in Baltimore getting the boat ready to be back in the water. Skype has been a true blessing because Tyler is able to still see Toby and Toby (though I am not sure he really fully realizes what's going on) is still able to see his daddy. I have a new found respect for single mothers truly. Realizing that I am on my own for the most part (although Griff is a tremendous help) I have so much more respect for the women, and teens that do this on their own. I am so blessed with the resources that I have, financially and emotionally that I can't imagine doing it one my own. Toby is going to be 4 months here shortly (just two more weeks) and he's growing so much every day it seems. He now sits in his play thing in the kitchen with me while I cook dinner. And he almost no longer fits in the top part of his bathtub, which when he was born he was tiny in it. Now he big ol' legs splash water all over the place and he likes to grab at the red cup that I use to scoop water in and dump on him. The other night he grabbed the empty cup from me and put it up to his mouth like he was drinking from it. It was very cute because this big ol' cup with his tiny little hands, and his precious lips trying to suck on the edge of the cup.

Parenthood truly is like nothing else in this world. My perspective at work has changed, because when I look at Toby I think about all the hopes and dreams and good things that I want for him. I had the realization one day that the students that I work with, their parents probably had the same thoughts about hopes and dreams for their kids that I work with now. It changed the way I look at the students that I work with and the approach that I want to take in my counseling techniques. As my principal Mr. Lockett says "being a parent changes everything" and boy does it ever. But I would not rather find myself on any other ride right now in life. As exhausted as I am, and as hard as it is not being at work a full day, and having to let go of so many responsibilities, and knowing that I am in fact replaceable at what I do... I look at my little Toby, and I realize I have more time with Griff and all the sudden some things don't matter as much as they did before, and it's easier to let go of things I didn't ever think I would be able to let go. Not to mention my house is a disaster, the laundry hasn't been done in days, the living room looks like world war 3 with burp rags, toys, and everything else in the house strewn across the floor and couches. But that's okay because I've got everything I need under this roof. And I have never been happier (now if I could just have my husband back from the Coast Guard sooner, than later, I would be 100% content)!