3 kids, 1 dog....and a whole lot of chaos.

Today was one of those days as a parent where you can't find the words to even describe what happened in your life. Between temper tantrums of a three year old and the curiosity and constant roaming 1 year old I had to remind myself that not every day I am a good parent! Today began with that garbage truck I loath so much that wakes my peacefully sleeping 3 year old from his much needed slumber at 5:45 in the morning. Him peacefully drifting back to sleep after making it to my bed is a fantasy, especially since I was just up from 4:45 with the 1 year old who refuses to wean, barely having crawled back into my own bed before little man comes swinging through my bedroom door. I spent the morning trying to divert from a terrible mood from both kids with counting, tracing letters, stacking blocks, building towers, having a dance party and snacks. We took a long walk, explored nature, listened to the birds, and swung high in swings.... Just hoping that by the time we got back home it would at least be nap time. Yup, it was one of those days. The day where nap time can't come soon enough, doesn't last long enough, the time doesn't seem to change every time you look at the clock... The tip of the iceberg today though, was while my 3 year old was trying to do his bath room business and my 1 year old was busy playing in the living room and all I needed was about 2 minutes to switch the laundry over, making the parenting mistake thinking both kids were occupied enough to have the luxury of switching the laundry over, I hear, "no baby Sam, don't eat my poop". REALLY!?!?! Thankfully, she was in the bathroom yes, but had no traces of fecal matter anywhere on her. My son on the other hand had decided to "play" with his poop. I did not react the way the "parenting experts" would probably recommend, but really.....GROSS! I am so thankful my kids have not gone through the "take my diaper off and smear my poop every where" stage. I am not sure I would have survived that stage without wine! But at the end of the day, and the end of the day does come even though in the thick of it it feels like it never will, how thankful I am for this crazy life. Seeing my daughter asleep in her crib, and hearing my little man smashing his cars together while laying in his bed, I know that if my house were silent, if I were to loose the beautiful precious children the chaos is something I would miss. Not every day am I going to be the "perfect" parent, heck some days I am simply not a good parent...but these are the memories we carry with us, that we grow from, that we learn from, and that makes us our own unique family.

And Life Continues On....

It's been almost a year since I posted to our family blog. Apparently it has not been on the top of my priority list. We are in the final stretches of waiting for our little girl to join our family. Tyler and I were talking the other day and it's so crazy that in four years of marriage (yup 4 years on July 12th) we have lived in 4 different homes, and will have 3 children. Toby has become Mr. Personality who throws temper tantrums (luckily only in the privacy of our own home since he is so shy). He loves to go for rides in his daddy's truck, look at fire trucks and buses, and yells at you while you're driving to make sure that you see every "beee truck" that we drive by. We have worked hard to be social and take advantage of me being a stay at home mom by scheduling play dates and making friends. Toby has a group of friends that he asks about in the mornings when he wakes up, and loves to meet up with them at parks to play. He will be 2 years old in 4 days which blows my mind. His vocabulary is expanding daily, and he still copies everything that Bubba does. When Bubba is home Toby will follow him around, give him kisses and hugs and try to get him to play with him non stop. This pregnancy has been much different then it was with Toby. I had terrible morning sickness for the first 5 months and did not feel good. The 2nd trimester was fairly smooth, and the 3rd trimester has been uncomfortable to say the least. I have been carrying her low almost the whole pregnancy and I am ready to have my body back. All of our doctors appointments have resulted in a healthy developing baby which we are excited about. I am due on June 10th, but we are hoping that she comes a earlier then that because we are so anxious to meet her. We are going to do a trial of labor and try to avoid a c-section this go around so we are anxious to see what the outcome is! Griffin has settled into his new school, which is HUGE compared to Astoria. He has been selected for the honors program next year as a freshman, which we are so proud of him! He is doing track at his Jr. High and has done really well this season so far. He has been selected for varsity for the Shot Put, Javelin, and discuss. He really enjoys track and does so well at all his events. He may be participating in a camp this summer to design and build remotely operated vehicles. Hopefully he gets in so that he has something to do this summer! Tyler is doing well at his job. It's still a lot different then the work that he was doing on the Steadfast but he is finally settling in and received high marks at his last evaluation.W I am enjoying being a stay at home mom and finally feel like I've made that transition from working to being a stay at home. Due in large part to some great friends that I have been able to make that all luckily have kids that are Toby's age and he loves his friends too! We are ancy to get moved, to have "Tobina" join our family, and all the fun family visits we will have this summer.

Finally Getting All Settled In

Well it's been over a month since we made the big move from Astoria Oregon to Silverdale Washington. And it's still so hard to believe that we no longer live in our beloved Astoria. It's been hard to get used to not having my best friend just down the street, or the daily chats with Billie and Nikki. Having Griff run out the door to go to Peter Pan to catch up with Elliot.... all those little things that made Astoria Home. Running into someone you know every where you go... I miss all those things so very much. The riverwalk, coffee from 3 Cups, Peter Pan Cookies... so very very much.

BUT!! we are slowly finding new things about Silverdale that we enjoy to do. We go to the gym and pool everyday as a family which has been good for us emotionally and physically. Tyler is settling into his new job comfortably, although having him gone for a week, home for a week, has been interesting so far. We are close to a Ross, Costco, and other cute shops. There are concerts in the parks in Poulsbo on Tuesday nights that we pack picnics and go and Toby likes to dance all over the place.

So with all new things, change is difficult. Not really because you have to learn new people, places etc but because you have to leave all the good things behind. But new good things always follow in a new place.

We will just keep putting ourselves out there, learning the new, and growing.

Life in all it's moments....

Toby will be 11 months old soon and today I had a thought about how much of my life and my being, my identity has been only determined by Toby as of late. When I run into people that I haven't seen in a while they ask "how is that boy of yours" or the conversations that I find myself having are related to what Griffin or Toby are doing. Today I was at Port of Play, where people can take children to have an indoor and dry place for their children to play and there were two women there who stood out from all the other mothers that were there. Their hair was done nicely, they were dressed fashionably, one was wearing ridiculously high heels, which she eventually had to take off to be able to play with her child and they were both fit and thin. And I took a moment to notice that a large majority of the other mothers in the place were staring these two women down from head to toe... you see most the other mothers there had the "frumpy" mother look to them. Almost every single mother was wearing a hoodie, or a fleece jacket and tennis shoes. Most were over weight or had weight they probably wished that they could shed from carrying their child to term. And I couldn't help but ponder on the fact that as a mother (realizing that I am extremely new to this identity and only have one small child) why it is that so easily we wrap our entire identity into that which is our children. I fear of, and strive not to, loose my passions that once defined me. My goals, my dreams, my direction in life that pulled me towards an existence that left me full filled with life. Instead of losing those I want to share those passions and dream with my children as they explore and develop their own! To not let the passion between my husband and I fade because we are both so caught up in the daily on goings of life, chasing kids around the house, cleaning up cheerios and spilled juice, vacuuming so the kid won't inhale anything and everything that sits on the floor... the laundry that never seems to end or the counters that are always cluttered with remnants of breakfast at dinner time. To take a moment in the undoubted chaos that can and does become life, to truly slow down and look around and cherish the moments. I fear of, and strive not to, allow the small moments of life pass by because I am so caught up in the details or the schedule... to take a Sunday afternoon nap cuddled in bed with my lil' man while he is still little instead of mowing the lawn. To spend those extra 10 minutes rocking him at bedtime while he gazes up at me rubbing my arm with his chubby hand. Or to stay by his crib with my hand on his chest as he clutches it tight, instead of worrying if I stay that will cause him to have sleep problems in the years to come.

There are so many people, or "experts" that will tell you that there are certain things to do or certain things to not do when it comes to raising your child. Well it's MY child and to me it seems foolish to give up the small moments in life that you will never get back out of fear that the "right" thing is not done.

And this thought translates to so much more in life. The small moments with loved ones, putting that report or that "to do" task down at work so that you can make a track meet for your child, or make it home to help your spouse cook dinner, or to give you extra time to be able to catch the sunset with a friend. I do not want to live my life so caught up in the moments, that I forget to live the moments.

My Shaker and Mover

It is such a wondrous thing... life. I caught myself staring at pictures on my fridge this afternoon with the biggest smile on my face. You know those silly pictures you take in the machine in an arcade... those ones where everyone is crammed in a small space. I could spend hours watching Toby explore the world around him. I could spend hours watching Griff and Toby play on the living room floor as Toby crawls all over Griff. Before he came along people would tell me, "you're house is going to be a disaster and you won't care anymore" and I would think to myself, not me I'm too much of a clean freak. And today I found myself in the middle of the living room surrounded with toys, Toby pulling books off the book shelf and throwing them carelessly over his shoulder as he conquered the challenge of getting the next book off the shelf, two 13 year old boys yelling at each other through the heating vents from different rooms around the house and I realized that my cup runneth over.

This morning I went in to get Toby from his crib at his usual early morning hour and there my little man was standing up in his crib, his little chubby fists clenching to the rails waiting for mommy to come through that door to play with him. And I couldn't help but wonder, how did my little 7 pound Toby who would lay in the same spot and not move turn into this almost 10 month old. I just can't even anticipate the day that I send him to kindergarten, or I give him the car keys, or help him move into his own place, watch him get married, rush to the hospital to see his first child being born... the cycle of life that is so awe inspiring now that I am a parent.

The way Toby laughs at Griff and gets really excited as Griff follows us up the stairs when it's bath time.
Reading to Toby as he sits on my lap as we listen to daddy's voice on the book.
Grabbing his two little hands in mine and letting him lead the way to the bathtub.
Watching him swim around in the tub, switching from his belly to his back, to sitting up as he chases his toys around the bubbles.
The way he grabs 6 snack puffs at once and tries to shove them all in his mouth normally only successfully getting 1 in his mouth if he's lucky.
The way he grabs his juice cup and sucks happily on the straw for minutes on end.
The way he pulls himself up to stand next to the couch then looks at me like "did you see that momma... did you see that!"

You truly see the world in a totally different view then you did before him, before your child enters your life. This little being that looks up at you with tears in his eyes when he falls over and over again when trying to conquer a new skill. And there you are as a parent to scoop him up, give him kisses and hugs and words of encouragement as you continue to give him skills and support until he conquers it. The look of pride and accomplishment that can cross a 10 month olds face is amazing.

This little man will soon be 1. One full year. How quickly life goes by. And I do not want to waste a single minute of it.

8 months soon.... where does the time go!

Next week my lil' guy will be 8 months old already and man does he have a personality. He smiles and laughs at anything that Griff does. He tucks his head in my neck when we're meeting new people pretending to be shy even though he is NOT shy at all. He gets so mad when you lay him down in his crib, but is slowly learning that it's gonna be okay and that he really is tired.

He has really started to master the use of his fine motor skills, being able to grasp and pinch things that are small. He is learning cause and effect really well too. It doesn't take him long to new and explore a new toy.

He loves to read (as long as it's not at bed time). He likes books with lots and lots of colors and textures. He has a big head just like his daddy and big wide eyes that have to see everything (just like his daddy). He is really starting to master the babbling to... being able to say mama and dada and baba (Griffin) even though he doesn't quite recognize that those titles belong to certain people. But he's learning. He engages in "conversations" with people and will respond in a conversation like style. Exchanging cooes and babbles with people.

He's such a fun mild mannered kid who is always happy. His Aunt Kate and Uncle Brandon will be here soon to visit him and we're so excited for him to finally meet them.

1/2 year already?!?!?

I can not believe that my little boy is half a year old already. He has finally conquered the ability to sit on his own which is now what he totally prefers over being on his back or his belly. It's amazing to me how quickly everything goes... just a few days ago we were sitting close by and he would sit on his own, wobble and then tip over as we would reach out to catch him. Now he sits there on his own for minutes on end, still wobbly but not falling over! He likes to sit and reach for toys, play with toys...and giggle.

He has been trying all sorts of new foods. Zucchini, broccoli, sweet potatoes, avocado, prunes. We're going to try to make our own baby food so I've got to spend some time finding things to make and how to make them... but we've started with buying a food processor so we're well on our way!

He is still having a hard time sleeping through the night waking multiple times to nurse/be comforted. I'm hoping as we increase the amount of solid food that he eats that this will help him sleep better as I am one T-I-R-E-D momma!

It's the busy holiday season and it's so fun to have all his firsts... first time decorating the tree (he loves trying to grab the ornaments off the tree or grab for the lights). I can't wait for his first Christmas morning and I am so glad that Grammy Mar will be here to share that with us!